People Healing People - The Introduction

People Healing People

By Maya Angelah

        

        When I first thought of this concept, 'People Healing People', I wanted it to be this huge network of people coming together to converse about the vulnerable things of this lifetime, to solve problems in community, and to help heal one another. I then came to the realization that changed how I view myself, others, and how I will live my life going forward. I realized that I've always wanted to save the world, in order to save myself. I figured if the whole world felt okay, I would too in turn feel okay considering I am in this world. But Therapy.

    After I made this realization, I wasn't really sure what to do with it. It made me question everything I was, everything I thought I would be, and the way in which I valued other people. For a majority of my life, I was the person who put my own needs last, the person to people please, the person who needed the validation of every person that crossed my path. Overtime this turned me into someone that my inner child couldn't trust because she knew her truest needs and desires would always come last. I was completely detached from my authenticity, trying to attach myself to any sense of outward approval that I could get, making me unrecognizable. I was a stranger to myself; I was a model. 

        The woman I became ushered me through some of worst experiences this life has to offer until I completely shattered into nothing. It didn't start off that way though. Before I dragged me through the mud, I took me to some of the greatest and most unmaintainable heights. Only unmaintainable to my most authentic self, but it made the people I love the most, most proud of me. Which felt like fuel to a fire. The thing is, fire loves what fuels it, while everything the fire burns is begging and pleading for it all to just stop. That was my life. Everything I became was destroying everything that I truly was, but I didn't know how to make it stop.  

        To be clear, modeling did not destroy me, but 'model' being my entire identity almost did. It took away my ability to confidently exist outside of it, it made my relationship with my body toxic and only based on my physical appearance and not about my health and wellbeing, and it painted me as a failure every time i was rejected by an agency or passed up for a job. But God.

        My entire career was brought to a complete stop, my ability to portray the facade that everyone loved dwindled away, and every person that i wanted to impress the most got to see me for what I really was; broken, lost, and afraid. At first, this reality felt like the greatest punishment imaginable, but now I can see it for what it really was. God positioned me to be cared for, forgiven, loved, and valued at my very worst.  I am a very stubborn woman, so it took me a year and a half to recognize what was happening. I lost everything that the facade gave me, so I felt like I was being reduced to nothing. When in complete truth, i was being awakened to the fact that I don't need to have anything, or live a lavish and exciting lifestyle in order to matter to the people I love the most, so why did I feel like I needed any of that to matter to me? Why had i never mattered to me, and how can i change that?

        These are some of the questions that i hope to answer as i embark on this new journey through People Healing People. Now that I've accepted that i only wanted to save the world in order to save myself, I am actively doing whatever it takes to heal me. This blog will consist of me over sharing the beautiful and painfully vulnerable journey of me healing me through therapy and spiritual revelation in hopes that maybe, every person that reads it decided to take the necessary steps to heal themselves too. I might not be able to save the world, but if the world seeks healing, the world will be saved. 

 

"Therapy releases you from the weight of the world, and God produces freedom."


Later but soon,

Maya Angelah

       

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